Exhausted by those surveys made up by schoolchildren, for schoolchildren, some friends on facebook came up with a bunch of questions for people with a few more years on the clock.
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
I’m annoyed that I have to pay someone to cut my lawn. I never thought it would come to this, but then again, I never thought I’d have a front yard that looks like a model for a double black diamond run. I’m not completely invalid but there’s no way I’m getting a mower up and down that slope without it ending up going over the wall and into the street on a regular basis.
I’m also a bit annoyed, but less so, about having to pay for extended day for my kids school. I may have a bad memory, but I don’t remember anything like this when I was a kid.
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
It’s been so long that I don’t remember.
Romance is more or less absent from my life.
3. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Something romantic.
4. How many colleges did you attend?
I’m not sure what this question is asking. Probably about matriculation. So let’s just say two-ish. I was only in a degree program at one, but I took some courses at another.
5. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
I’m wearing a bathrobe.
6. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
I’d pay a lot of money for something that could stop my farting. Seriously–I fart more than any two people I know.
This probably contributes to the dearth of romance in my life.
7. First thought when your alarm goes off?
If we’ve slept until the alarm went off, there’s no time for cuddling before it’s time to wake up.
8. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Pondering the question of what I’m going to do to straighten out my dead-end career. No answers came to me.
9. Do you miss being a child?
Some parts of being a child were great.
But then again, some parts were absolutely horrible. I’m probably repressing the really bad memories, so I’ll have to say no.
10. What errand/chore do you despise?
I’m not sure I could call this despicable, but it would be nice of there was someone living in my household who could vacuum, or put in new paper towels and toilet paper.
11. Get up early or sleep in?
Guess.
12. Have you found real love yet?
I guess so.
13. Favorite lunch meat?
Turkey.
14. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
I don’t go to Walmart often enough to have established a pattern.
15. Beach or lake?
Beach, unless it’s a large enough lake to have a tide. I consider the tide to be the second most important feature a body of water can have. The most important feature, of course, is that attractive women often wear skimpy bathing suits near large bodies of water.
16. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
People really seem to enjoy weddings, and as long as this is true, it’s still serving a very useful purpose. I have no objection to people having fun.
17. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
My limited exposure to television (especially television that requires cable) makes this question difficult to answer. But from the small amount of info that I do have, I have to say that given the choice between a drama about a bunch of murderous psychopaths and a comedy about people with difficult family relationships, I’m going to go with the comedy every time, so Sopranos gets the nod.
18.What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Tough call. Most famous people would find me a little boring. And there would probably be people dropping by the table asking for their autograph, interrupting what little conversation we had.
So, I’m going to go with Hatshepsut. Not knowing the ground rules of this hypothetical question, I think she’s a fairly safe bet.
First, she’s an incredibly interesting historical figure. Second, if the powers of hypotheticalism aren’t sufficient to allow her to speak English, she’s probably still good to look at and fairly polite. Third, of the powers of hypotheticalism aren’t sufficient to bring her back to life, since she’s been dead for thousands of years she’s probably not all that pungent any more, and she won’t mind if I eat her dessert.
19. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Yes, but it was usually an accident.
20. Ever use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Whatever I use a fire extinguisher for is exactly what I intend it for.
21. Ring tone?
Whatever it came with.
22. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
I always brush my teeth inside my mouth.
23. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?
The Playboy Mansion?
Sorry, I’m at a bit of a loss. I’ve been pretty much everywhere in California that doesn’t require getting past a bouncer.
23. Do you go to church?
Not very often these days.
24. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
New career.
25. How old are you?
That’s a complicated question.
26. Do you have a go to person?
No.
27. Are you where you want to be in life?
No.
28. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons?
I used to watch cartoons every Saturday. There used to be shows that previewed the cartoons for the next season and I had to watch those. It was very exciting. But I don’t remember any of them now.
29. What about you do you think has changed the most?
Over the years, my capacity to really foul things up has expanded enormously.
30. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life?
In some important ways, yes.
31. Are there times you still feel like a kid?
I’m not sure.
32. Did you ever own troll dolls?
I think someone in my family did, because I remember playing with one. The concept of ownership was a bit fuzzy in the context of toys, and so I doubt I actually owned it.
33. Did you have a pager?
Yes. I think it only went off once or twice.
34. Where was the hang-out spot when you were a teenager?
Damned if I know. It wouldn’t have been the cool, popular hang-out if they’d allowed people like me to know about it.
35. Were you the type of kid you would want your children to hang out with?
Probably, although they probably wouldn’t want to.
