After a recent heated and promising woo-making session was derailed by a lengthy emergency extraction procedure of one of my hairs from my wife’s teeth, my wife brought up the idea that perhaps I should consider shaving what I shall call, to avoid offending any readers with delicate sensibilities, the philtral region.
I’m not sure how I feel about this. I’ve heard that other men do this, and not just from stories–I’ve actually seen clean-shaven men. To be honest, the look appeals to me, but from what I’ve heard, it’s very high-maintenance. A friend of mine, who used to keep himself bare, said he had to shave nearly every morning, and even so, by the time evening rolled around and it was time for snuggle-play with his smoochy-woochy, there was enough stubble so that amorous inclinations of the angel of his dreams were severely attenuated by the ensuing abrasions. She confessed that it give her the sensation that she was making love to a belt sander–an unusually graphic and powerful metaphor from such a sweet, soft-spoken woman. In the end, he had to shave almost every time he wanted nooky, and the water bills alone were enough to make his mojo wane. In the end, it was too much. He hasn’t shaved for years, and both his marriage and his mojo seem to be firing on all cylinders.
I’ve also heard that there are issues with nicks and irritation. Believe me when I say that I don’t need any more irritation in my life, and nobody needs nicks. Since there’s no way I can possibly see what I’m doing without the aid of a mirror (my anatomy being what it is), such nicks seem inevitable, and I wouldn’t wish nicks in such a delicate area upon my worst enemy.
My wife also points out that I’ve come to expect her to be as smooth as a whistle–well, a whistle with a few exquisite wisps of hair–and she therefore believes that is only fair for her to expect the same from me. I don’t think this is fair at all, because I have never asked her to do this! It’s true that I was delighted to discover this facet of her physique at an early phase of our relationship, but it was fait accompli. While I genuinely appreciate the status quo, it is not something that I have ever explicitly asked her to do, and I believe (or like to believe) that I would love her just as much were things otherwise.
And so, gentle readers, I am torn. Should I shave off my mustache?
Oh, and I hope your April is starting off well.
I think a mustache can be very sexy on the right man…I can work around it. However, in your case, your wife’s idea of what is sexy is the most important one to consider.
Comment by Marilu Corwin — April 20, 2009 @ 7:32 am