Last summer I discovered “tee-bee-dee” (aka “TBD”), a social web site for the 40-plus crowd, and have spent a considerable amount of time posting there. It’s a pleasant site and has a unique character, but it seems to have developed a few personality quirks. Perhaps these are simply an inevitable reflection of human nature, but I would hope not.
When I say that I’ve observed something (for example, “a few personality quirks”), I don’t mean to imply that my observations should be treated as fact. When it comes to human nature, I’ve always been at a marked disadvantage. Nevertheless, I have observations, and I have opinions about those observations, and I have a blog, so of course I’m going to write down those opinions, supported by whatever random anecdotes I choose to cherry-pick and seem to bolster my case.
My frustration with TBD is that the vast majority of the members (where by “vast majority” I mean “nearly everyone I’ve met, but I haven’t met everyone, so I hold out hope that there are more exceptions hiding somewhere”) are either unwilling to discuss anything interesting on a personal level, or are unable to discuss anything personally important without becoming defensive and/or offensive. Here are the templates for the two canonical discussions:
Discussion Response Type 1:
- Discussion leader: “Please share your opinions or experiences about X.”
- Participant: “Good morning everyone–and how is everyone? We’re having nice weather here. Does anyone want coffee? I’m having pancakes for breakfast.”
Discussion Response Type 2:
- Discussion leader: “Please share your opinions or experiences about X.”
- Participant: “I think Y about X. If you disagree, you’re wrong, stupid, and evil. It’s that simple. It’s so obvious that it’s not worth my time to clearly articulate Y or defending my position. You probably could not understand anyway, since my intellect occupies a different plane than yours.”
It’s impossible to know (at least for me to know–you might have figured all of this out) whether the participant in the first discussion type responds in this matter because:
- They can’t be bothered to think about X and just want to chime in.
- They didn’t bother to read the discussion header and just want to chime in.
- They don’t have any opinion about X and just want to chime in.
- They are afraid that the topic is controversial and don’t want to provoke a type 2 digression, but they want to chime in.
- They don’t like the person who started the discussion, or the topic of discussion, and desire to throw the discussion off the rails.
I believe these are sorted from most frequent (#1) to least frequent (#5), but of course that’s just my belief. I don’t have any data, or even anecdotes to cherry-pick.
Response motivation #5 is really divided into two subcategories: a special case of response type #2 (the responder believes that it is heresy to even ask the question), and the second is a passive-aggressive approach to controlling the discussion topics by exasperating discussion leaders. This may seem a little paranoid–and who knows, it might actually be paranoid–but since there are people who publically brag about doing each of these, the idea has certainly come up.
But those are just my opinions. I’m not going to defend them, but I’m also not going to claim that if you disagree then you’re stupid, wrong, or evil if you disagree, or claim that my intellect is on a different plane than yours. I know my intellect is still half-asleep this morning, and even at the height of its powers is confined to the right lane of the information superhighway, hazard lights blinking.
But now we leave the realm of opinion and enter the domain of fact, and finally get to the point. I’ve airlifted a bunch of my postings over from TBD, and will continue to do so (at least, as long as I keep writing this type of entry on TBD), to preserve them and isolate them from their natural surroundings. Uninfluenced by the responses in their original rich matrix of profound and thoughtful (as well as inane, profane, and insane) responses, you can form your own opinion about them.
My postings are the dusty windshield of a car parked too long at the side of the road, and you are the index finger of a 15-year-old boy filled with creative and harmless mischief. The moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on, and then waits nearby for reaction from any accidental audience, hoping for a laugh.
