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Author Topic: Shaggy Dog Stories  (Read 2213 times)
WS
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« on: October 31, 2009, 07:08:08 PM »

A Place for us to share our favorite Shaggy Dog Stories
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"We don't have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand." James Watt, Secretary of the Interior under Ronald Reagan.
WS
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« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2009, 07:15:38 PM »

Okay, Here's one from Kingsley at Mud Wordled http://www.badpuns.com/jokes.php?section=shaggy&pos=1&numitems=3   I've made a few changes.

The World Expert on North American Wasps

The world expert on North American wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a a walk and passes by a record shop, where a sign catches his eye: "Just Released - New Recording - Wasps of the World and the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist temptation, the man goes into the shop and announces, "I am the world expert on North American wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new record you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "Step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

The world expert on wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on North American wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognized none of those."

"I'm very sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth again, I can play you have another track."

The world expert on American wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.

Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on North American wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognize any of those!"

This scenario repeats several times, when suddenly the young assistant comes running over to the booth

"Sir," he blurts out apologetically, "I really am terribly sorry. The reason you haven't recognized any of the sounds is that I accidentally was playing you the bee side."
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"We don't have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand." James Watt, Secretary of the Interior under Ronald Reagan.
baf
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« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2009, 09:30:27 PM »

(( ;-D ))  no emoticon for funny... so, this is the best I can come up with...
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DannyO
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« Reply #3 on: November 01, 2009, 02:47:40 AM »

(( ;-D ))  no emoticon for funny... so, this is the best I can come up with...

None of these work?

 Cheesy  Grin   Roll Eyes
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WS
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« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2009, 09:56:42 AM »

Here's another one I read last night from the same site:

A Botanist is working hard on a project and is trying to find out some information about a specific fern.  He emails all his friends asking for info and sends his fax number, but he words his request hurriedly and so very soon he is being inundated by hundreds of pages of articles on every kind of fern in the world! He's frustrated because he doesn't need all that material, only information on his one specific kind of fern and doesn't quite know what to do. Finally he decides to send another email that reads as follows:

.
.
.
.

"If it ain't bracken, don't fax it!"

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"We don't have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand." James Watt, Secretary of the Interior under Ronald Reagan.
DannyO
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« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2009, 07:46:35 PM »

OK, I am confused.

Well, wait, no.

I'm confused about something new.

I always thought Shaggy Dog stories were something else.

The angel mollusk who, after visiting his friends still on this mortal coil, left his harp in Sam Clam's disco?

The feudal lord who, upon seeing one of his mercenaries riding a great dane instead of a horse, wouldn't dream of turning out a knight on a dog like that?

The poor Roy, enlisting the aid of his friends in a search for the feline who masticated his pristine footwear?

The monk who aroused the curiosity of his abbot by chanting the name of an inappropriate hour?

I didn't think these were Shaggy Dog stories.  I thought they were the opposite of Shaggy Dog stories.

Maybe it's a New Jersey thing, but here's what I was taught.  Or learned.  Or imagined someone telling me...

I thought that a Shaggy Dog story is a story that seems like it's going somewhere, but then ends abruptly after getting nowhere.  These stories seem to be going nowhere, and then abruptly get somewhere, and that somewhere is usually a ghastly pun.

Am I wrong?  Do I have this backwards?

No, this isn't going anywhere.  That's it.  There's no pun here.
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BoobooPuppy
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« Reply #6 on: November 02, 2009, 07:55:18 PM »

I've never heard of Shaggy Dog Stories before now.  I really must get out more.   Embarrassed
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CWO3ROBBIE
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« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2009, 09:11:13 PM »

WS, I think you just set a new standard for how humor can be muted. Or turned into a shaggy dog story.
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CWO3ROBBIE
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« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2009, 09:25:58 PM »

I just went to wikipedia and typed in "Shaggy Dog Stories" . the ony thing that came up was the disney movie and an invatation to compose the entry For "Shaggy Dog Stories". Here is your chance for long term fame. Just post your understanding of what constitutes a "Shaggy Dog Story".
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WS
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« Reply #9 on: November 02, 2009, 09:27:47 PM »

"In its original sense, a shaggy dog story is an extremely long-winded tale featuring extensive narration of typically irrelevant incidents, usually resulting in a pointless or absurd punchline. These stories are a special case of yarns, coming from the long tradition of campfire yarns.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaggy_dog_story"

DannyO  your stories aren't long enough to be SD stories. Most of the ones I've heard aren't really pointless, but usually end in  spoonerism / pun of a well known.

If you tell the one about sending the knight out on a dog like this right it is long and semi-pointless and thus qualifies.
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"We don't have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand." James Watt, Secretary of the Interior under Ronald Reagan.
WS
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« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2009, 11:10:31 AM »

There's a website that has collected 100s and 100s of (actually more than 2000) shaggy dog stories - here is a long and inane one (Number 630):

http://www.awpi.com/

A Matter of Principle

From Norman Gilbert via The International Save The Pun Foundation [www.punpunpun.com]. This is by Bob Renaud and it is pretty shaggy.

In the waning years of the second millennium after the Pan-Terran War, the remnants of humanity had divided into two classes. The Surfacers were a simple people, primarily farmers, herdsmen and nomadic traders, eking out marginal livings within the monarchies that had evolved from the rule of the strongest. Within the vast network of caverns and tunnels that had been created prior to the War, the Keepers of the Ancient Knowledge devoted their subterranean lives to the preservation and study of science and culture.

At random intervals, the Keepers dispatched one of their numbers to serve as a Teacher for the subjects of the nearest kingdom. Perhaps the greatest of these was Teacher James who, attended by his six Replicas, went out many times in the effort to distribute the Old Knowledge.

Thus did James, with his Replicas drawing his wagon of books, come to be in the realm of Lisus the Elder. James felt trepidation on this occasion, because Lisus was widely known as a swaggering, self-important despot who demanded total subservience, and who was famed (or perhaps infamous) for burning at the stake those who, for reasons seldom told, failed to please him, even to such trivial matters as failing to bow in his presence.

With ill-concealed discomfort, James entered the throne room, to beseech Lisus in the customary manner for permission to teach within his kingdom. He stood silently, his Replicas three at each side, while Lisus surveyed them with sneering contempt. Finally, he stared at James, whose robes, being finer than the coarse tunics of his Replicas, identified him as their leader and Genefather.

"For what purpose are you here, Teacher James?"

"To teach. It is my profession, your Worship."

"Then we shall begin with a lesson for you, Teacher, in the ways of respect. You will bow low before me, as I require of all in my presence."

"I beg leave to tell your Highness that I am a citizen of Underearth, and a free man, not one of your subjects. I shall not bow, sire."

Lisus glared in wide-eyed fury, unaccustomed to such defiance, then bellowed to his royal guards, "Seize this accursed infidel and his Replicas, and take them at once to the courtyard. Bind the Genechildren to the stakes, and pile the kindling high about them, topped by his books, that he may watch them burn as well.

Thus, beneath the midday sun, the Replicas were lashed to the burning stakes, and surrounded by twigs and branches, atop which the ancient volumes were evenly laid. "Now, dog, will you bow before me, or shall I have the torch put to your likenesses and your precious books?"

"Meaning no disrespect, your highness, I simply cannot do as you demand."

"Before it is done, then, answer but one question. Why can you not afford me the honor of a mere bow, even when I have put everything of yours in such peril?"

"It is a matter of principle, Sire. Your threats cannot have an effect on me because, as the ancient laws wisely say, "Sticks and tomes may bake my clones, but James will never curtsy."
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"We don't have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand." James Watt, Secretary of the Interior under Ronald Reagan.
Rhiannnonn
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« Reply #11 on: November 08, 2009, 01:20:51 PM »

I love it!!!!
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Your most savory meal is that which you eat at the other person's table;
Your most comfortable bed is in the other person's house.
Now tell me, how can you separate yourself from the other person?

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WS
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« Reply #12 on: November 12, 2009, 12:16:36 PM »

Another one from: http://www.badpuns.com/jokes.php?section=shaggy&name=morning


All the monks in a certain monastery would greet the day by singing out the simple word "Morning!" from their windows each sunrise.
Early one day after several of these morning greetings had been sung melodiously into the dawn air, a single greeting of "Evening!" rang out of one of the windows.

In the courtyard below, Brother Timothy looked around startled, and said "Did you hear that, Brother Edward?"
"Hear what, Brother Timothy?" replied Brother Edward.
Brother Timothy sang out in reply: "Someone chanted evening..."

(Submitted by Jack Callaghan) with moidifications.
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"We don't have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand." James Watt, Secretary of the Interior under Ronald Reagan.
WS
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« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2009, 01:07:48 PM »

I'm trying another tack:

 A Shaggy Dog Story from the Atlanta Daily

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 874-7421 and ask for Petra.

Over 10,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 6-week old black Labrador puppy.

Men are so easy....

From: http://www.guy-sports.com/funny/shaggy_dog_stories.htm#Shaggy_Dog_Story_from_Nottingham,_England
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WS
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« Reply #14 on: November 19, 2009, 10:26:59 PM »

Top:Entertainment:Shaggy Dog Stories:The Flower-Growing Friars

Author unknown (presumably for good reason)
Submitted by John Cavanaugh

Some charitable monks wanted to do more for their flock, but their vow of poverty, simple lifestyle and lack of gainful employment meant that their supply of available funds was, to say the least, meager. Nevertheless, they put their collective heads together and came up with the idea of opening a small flower shop. They reasoned that they could grow most of the flowers on the church grounds, and what they couldn't grow, they could likely pick from the surrounding countryside.

As you can probably guess, everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God and their little business flourished. So much so that the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close their little shop, but their flower business was providing them with much-needed funds for  their good works and so of course they humbly refused. He went back time and again, finally begging the friars to close. By this time, they had tired of the florist's constant whining and they simply ignored him. The florist even asked his mother to go and ask the brothers to get out of the flower business, but they ignored her, too.

By this time, the florist was nearly bankrupt and in desperation he hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to go and "persuade" the good friars to close. Being a man of few morals and even fewer religious convictions, Hugh had no ethical problems with his assigned task and promptly gave the monks a thorough beating and trashed their store. He departed with a stern warning that he’d be back if they didn’t close down the shop. Terrified, the friars did so immediately, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

From: http://www.heggen.net/entertainment/shaggy_dogs/friars.htm
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