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Author Topic: Man's Thesaurus  (Read 948 times)
Scooter
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Posts: 58


Once a Tramp, Always a Tramp


« on: December 05, 2009, 05:41:10 PM »

The new Men's Thesaurus - on sale now at your local book stores!:

"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely
clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
Logged

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.  - Voltaire
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde
baf
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Posts: 99



« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2009, 10:03:08 AM »

Scooter,
What do you figure... this thesaurus, written by men or women??
I can't believe men would want the code to get out.
What's your take?
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Outside the box is far vaster than inside.
Prunella Farquar
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Posts: 209



« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2009, 10:11:54 AM »

I believe there could be a couple of sequels to this.
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Because one pole may catch a fish, it does not mean that 5 poles will catch an inner tube.
Scooter
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Karma: +6/-0
Posts: 58


Once a Tramp, Always a Tramp


« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2009, 09:22:10 PM »

Scooter,
What do you figure... this thesaurus, written by men or women??
I can't believe men would want the code to get out.
What's your take?
I plead the 5th. and as for sequels? Hee hee hee coming soon.
Logged

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.  - Voltaire
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde
Rhiannnonn
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Posts: 85



« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2009, 02:34:55 PM »

Scooter,
What do you figure... this thesaurus, written by men or women??
I can't believe men would want the code to get out.
What's your take?

Psst...Sounds like a woman wrote it. And look how good the spelling is! Gotta be a woman.  Smiley
Logged

Your most radiant garment is of the other person's weaving;
Your most savory meal is that which you eat at the other person's table;
Your most comfortable bed is in the other person's house.
Now tell me, how can you separate yourself from the other person?

Sand and Foam ~~ Kahlil Gibran
baf
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Karma: +4/-0
Posts: 99



« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2009, 09:34:27 PM »

Hadn't thought about that spelling aspect  Rhiannonn...
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Outside the box is far vaster than inside.
Scooter
Member in Good Standing
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Karma: +6/-0
Posts: 58


Once a Tramp, Always a Tramp


« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2009, 05:04:20 PM »

OK more of this Junque (that's French for Shit)

THE MAN RULES (we always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
They are numbered '1' ON PURPOSE

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down

1. Sunday sports is like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the OTHER ONE.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If is itches, it WILL be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine .. REALLY.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but men don't really mind that - it's like camping.
Logged

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.  - Voltaire
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde
Rhiannnonn
Member in Good Standing
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Karma: +2/-0
Posts: 85



« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2009, 12:26:42 PM »

OK more of this Junque (that's French for Shit)

THE MAN RULES (we always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
They are numbered '1' ON PURPOSE


Men can't count?
Logged

Your most radiant garment is of the other person's weaving;
Your most savory meal is that which you eat at the other person's table;
Your most comfortable bed is in the other person's house.
Now tell me, how can you separate yourself from the other person?

Sand and Foam ~~ Kahlil Gibran
WS
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Karma: +12/-0
Posts: 447



WWW
« Reply #8 on: December 13, 2009, 04:58:48 PM »

OK more of this Junque (that's French for Shit)

THE MAN RULES (we always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
They are numbered '1' ON PURPOSE


Men can't count?
Only up to one.
Logged

"We don't have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand." James Watt, Secretary of the Interior under Ronald Reagan.
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